Study Finds Only Raping Children Can Reverse Climate Change

Real, actual Israeli Scientists Yentl Steinberg, Green, Stein, Berg, and Miller found that climate is caused by not enough children being forcibly raped in a carefully-conducted study of 99.7% of socially-acceptable climate scientists.

(The views of racists were not considered in the study.)
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This counters previously-held, antiquated misconceptions that climate change is tied directly to carbon. But upon further examination, the underlying cause of carbon was found to be virgins who eventually breed, thereby having children who drive SUVs.

Several interventions were proposed. But only one worth testing in the back room with the shades drawn with randomly selected children taken off the street while their parents weren't watching.

The team hypothesized that if these children were forcibly raped by adults, they wouldn't want to marry and have carbon-based white kids later in life. Kids who drive atmosphere-choking Sports Utility Vehicles with dogs and cats and happiness.

They'd put on frocks on Castro street and sing Abba hits.

So they thought they may as well test their hypothesis in a lab coat. Which is how climate research is done. By accessorizing.
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"Molecules." - Lab Assistant Ivanka Trump's nose job.

But the study still wasn't diverse enough.

So further child rape tests had to be conducted for the sake the anti-NRA rally attended by movie star Alyssa Milano and her very diverse and fabulous armed security. Would children raped by black men be more likely or less likely to produce carbon-using white children?




Where the climate was such a disaster, the AMAZINGLY relevant TV star had to conceal her bruised tears and her "girls" under a sun-blocking T, to protect her own Ts from the sun's deadly rays. Unfortunately for children.

TV stars don't like being exposed to the deadly light of day, and also need sunglasses to hide their bruises and/or tears while explaining how way guns ruin the environment.

Even though it's really virgin children who ruin the climate.




* Disclaimer: In the unlikely event it needs to be said, this is satire. It's intended to show the obvious bias of the corrupting influences in our society. The pure evil which corrupts law, government, authority, money, Christianity, our understanding of the Bible, the purpose of religion, and wants to install one world money, religion, one worldwide mulatto race over which one government rules is leveraging the basest of hedonistic impulses to achieve all its aims. In other words, the shameless, psychopathic race is using pedophiles, abusing and exploiting children, money, power, government to weaken us, destroy us, breed us out